what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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