he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
