Your mouth is God's brothel.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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