Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
