im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
