you would pick up someone in the library
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
