just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
