I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
