I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
