Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
