John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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