dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
