im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
