this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
