You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
