The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
