how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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