I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
is that a dick in a sweater?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
