She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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