Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
