Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
