Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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