Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
