listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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