Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it because I queefed?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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