were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
