Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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