Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
