You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
