Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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