I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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