windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
