According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
