You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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