apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
