So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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