Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
