Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
