hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
