My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
