I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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