well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
