He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
