It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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