I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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