Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
