I think my fart just growled at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
