just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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