I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
