I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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